Tuesday, April 28, 2009

And so it goes...

This is it.

My last day abroad has finally arrived. It has come so fast yet crept up on me at the same time. I honestly could not see this day coming 7 months ago, as my plane took off out of LAX and my journey began.

In my first weeks I was filled with trepidation, anxiety, uncertainty about what I had done. I actually wrote the words down a few days in:

I hope I look back on this (my anxiety) later and laugh about it

Ha. Whew. Well, double 'Ha'. While the road to get here was not easy, or always comfortable, it has been the most rewarding thing I have ever been able to do. I can really say that the last months have been among the hardest and easiest I have ever experienced.

I left on the trip to escape real life; not to run from it, but to take a welcome break from normality. Knowing it would always be there upon my return, I felt I needed to take the opportunity to explore the world a little bit more. Sometimes living a normal life back home failed to inspire me, and I wanted to feel that again.

The last few months have been amazing. I have seen things that have put me in awe of the world. Things that I can take a picture of, but can hardly explain what it was like standing near. I have been filled with something in these moments, though i'm not sure what. It felt like pure happiness. I will remember this forever.

I have met people I am so lucky to have met. People from all over the world who have changed me in ways that they will never know. Ways that probably have not taken shape yet, but someday will. I have seen the world through their perspective and feel lucky to have done so. I look back at those times with a smile, and look forward to seeing them in the future.

I have spent countless hours in a state of complete uncomfortability. Sleeping in rooms with many other people at the same time, a "good night's sleep" is a thing of myth. Hearty meals are few and far between, and when you are lucky enough to experience one, it tastes like nothing you've ever tasted. And we're talking McDonalds here...seriously. I don't think I will ever look at bread the same again.

But you put up with it, because, well, you have to. And that's part of the deal. You accept those things in order to keep living in a world that seems like Never Never Land. A world that quickly becomes your life, your reality. I feel like I belong here, even though "here" is nowhere...or everywhere. While I am looking forward to being back home, I will always yearn to be...here.

So it is not an ending then. It is just another part of the storyline. And I am rejuvenated to experience life back home, and that is part of the point. To keep everything fresh. While I am leaving my nomad self behind for the time being, it is just a part of who I am, a part that influences the rest of me, but does not define me. I am excited for what is next...and that is exactly what I wanted.

That is all I can hope for. Wanting to see what is next. If I didn't feel that way, that would be the scary thing, wouldn't it? So bring it on.

3 comments:

Rob Moran said...

so awesome man! Hope you have a safe trip back home!

Unknown said...

Buddy,

That's some corny but very true shit... :)
It won't be long before you will start planning your next adventure though because back home nothing ever changes...

Talk to you soon man!

Arhjay said...

About the bread part. I couldnt agree with you more, since i got home i havnt had the strength to eat another piece of toast with jelly on it......or instant noodle. And even worse PASTA!! didnt think your trip would be over this soon, at least your home for your summer. I think???

ARHJAY
the stoopid hawaiian

p.s
glad no one made a hostel pt 9 about you and marky mark